Gone with Shopping ...

Plain women take refuge to tears and Bold & Beautiful go shopping. And, what do the dimwit do, they follow ‘em. Ask me and I have a story to tell. Once upon a time, there was a babe, a geek and a shopping plaza. Before I start the story rolling, let me tell you something: I am a person, whose haute couture start at picking up leftovers at season’s sales in those discount stores and then ends up most of time fixing up those scandalous wardrobe malfunctions at the neighbor tailor shops. I am still too unfit for any of that tailor-made branded wear’s meant for a supposedly ultimate man. Back to story: So when she asked me to join her for a shopping binge on that warm and balmy Sunday, I was little shaken up with nervousness crawling under my skin. Should I say a meek “No” and save me from the ignominy of my sheer ignorance of this world of style, oomph, panache and statement that draws those tempting curvatures by playing with only two lines: the plunging necklines and rising hemlines. I was already scoring too low in her guidebook of boys with style, verve, taste, mannerism and sophistication that I could not let this opportunity to go abegging. This was the moment to seize upon and prove myself that I have also ‘arrived’ and ‘come of age’.


And that’s how ,here I was ,standing in front of this shopping plaza , nesting inside it the world of ‘fresh arrivals’,’ season’s offerings’ and so many in your face exotica of never heard –never seen life style brands, accessories and what not. I was little too early at that plaza to measure up the things, soak up any embarrassing surprises and learn to breathe in the air filled with color, gloss, smoke and unfettered display of flesh and money. T O M MY HIL F I G ER, V E R SACHE, GU CCI ……YUVES SAINT LAU RENT , you ask for them and there were all over the place and I was trying hard to read them correctly. “Why don’t they have a easy name… they can make life so easy for people like us..; I was scratching my head after giving up my attempts to sound correct while spelling those names. Who cares, I have not come here for any spelling and diction competition. I combed my hair with my dexterous hands in front of that giant glass screen , I saw her waving her hand in front of a store just opposite to me. “Hell !! No store, they call it boutique, boy… get your act together.. Do not botch it up in the beginning” I scolded myself and strolled past the elevators and reached her mustering all my confidence. “Hey! You are looking not that bad today. I am impressed.” she greeted me with a wry smile. She had already started dropping those bombshells from the word go and I was not at all prepared for this salvo. I was wearing my new denim jeans and t-shirt that I bought some six months back with my three friends in a “’buy two get three” offer. That was the only decently branded pair I had to date and somehow it proved its worth today. I blushed and could only say,” Thanks! You are looking awesome as always.” Lesson 1: A friend with reasonably good experience in this ‘trade’ had taught me this mantra, “Have savory look of connoisseur at them for a second and repeat those words ad verbatim with all the sugar coating of honesty possible.” Girls also know this trick but this is like that biblical rite of passage. You have to do it to set the things on right track. She smiled with approval and said,” Should we go inside now, I am dying to shop.” Like a suave gentleman, I opened the glass door of that boutique for her and let her in. When I was getting into the boutique, I felt as if that mannequin just in front of door was also smiling and saying to me , “ So far so good , Dude… You have been dead right on the coin so far. Keep the good work going.” I threw punches in the air and slowly followed her inside the store.

Now, a wonderland of sorts was waiting inside that boutique for me. Rows after rows, stacks after stacks, lines after lines , there was a new discovery, opening of new reality , a new find and I also met with my own new found incredulity about these changing times. I was as clueless as any another Neanderthal transported by a time machine into the hurly burly of 21st century. Fazed, I looked for her. She was already deep inside the large heap of dresses spread on a large table with a display board, “Flat discount upto 70 per cent”. Lesson 2: Basic instincts remain the same whether it’s a bold diva or dumb geek. The vintage abundance of discount always fares better than the so-little ‘fresh arrivals’ with unreasonably high price tags. I was looking at one bizarre looking piece of linen and wondering whether I could touch or hold that one to decipher that belonged to which family: Sari, suit, jeans, top, kurta ….. Surprisingly, I had a limited vocabulary for these things.” Idiot! What are you doing at that Sarong section? Come here... I have found some thing really interesting.” She was holding something in her hand again, I had never seen before. “This is Gucci Capri in moss green color in my size. I have been looking for a Capri for such a long time. I think, I will definitely buy this one. It will be great with my ash colored Tommy Hilfiger top. Wait here... I am back from the changing room.” She was all over the place. Before I could say anything, she was back again right in front of me wearing that moss green Capri. She was rolling her eyes as if she was testing the ripples waves created by her Capri on my blood levels. Honestly, I did not know a dime how that thing looked at her but I was quite amazed at her mastery to fit herself into that little piece of cloth. She had defiantly taken the notion of ‘slimfit’ into altogether different level. “Are you sure that you are comfortable with this dress and would not be chocking yourself dead.” I had to ask her to make my informed decision before saying anything. She swirled on her toes, grooved a little and spread her both shoulders like a salsa dancer and replied, “I am over the moon.” She was exulting,” I am going to busy matching jewelry, nail paint, sandals and purse. It has to be best collection of my wardrobe.” Her words had such a resounding finality that I could only nod my head. Lesson 3: You are not there to give your opinion on her likings. Just soak yourself at her happiness of buying whatever; she was looking for so many days, months or years. You also have an important role to play. Wait for the opportune time.

We were standing in front of cash counter and it happened like the script my friend had narrated me already last night. Her credit card encountered some glitch and dropped dead. It seemed her happiness was too contagious and had taken a toll on her credit card too. Cashier failed to swipe for the thirteen times, when I prodded him to do it again. Like a knight in shinning armour, I had to loosen my purse strings and pay those Rs.3,999 as hard cash after availing 50 per cent discount and getting 2 per cent cash back on account of her privilege patron membership of the boutique. As per her side of story, she had borrowed it from me and she would repay it soon. Lesson 4: Lend, pay and forget. This is such a small amount for her to even remember and you dare not mention to her again. She would blast the entire mankind for behaving mean by asking for that trifle money from a lady like her.

She was still jumping with joy and flaunting her shopping bag, “I had wonderful shopping in such a dirt cheap price. This is value for money. Hope, you also learn your bit of shopping today. Now, it’s your turn. I am so hungry that I can eat the entire cow. Dear! I am at your disposal and you have to indulge me with the best that is available here as a treat for giving you such a wonderful shopping experience.” Lesson 5: Bold and Beautiful do not only shop, they can also eat the entire cows… beware before venturing with them on any shopping experience.