Confessions .... The Last testimony

Déjà vu was always there niggling me of the simmering rage of imminent catastrophe. Haven’t the angels time and again nudged me up from my reveries to insinuate that waves I am riding are getting too dangerous to sail through. Gosh! Sometimes or other, don’t we all become prisoner of our make-beliefs and end up digging that stinking rat hole? I had also turned my eyes off from the specter of the rising water in my sinking ship, swayed by the highs of my unbridled spirit. And here I am, standing amid the ruins of my shipwreck, stranded as clueless castaway in Deep Ocean waiting for those ebbs and crests to sweep me aside to distant horizon. I looked around in that fleeting moment of fading hope, there were neither the angels to hold my hands nor was she. She had long gone; rather she never was there in first place. This always was a solitary voyage from its beginning. We make our own blunder lands without any rhyme or reason, weave our long cherished dreams around them and then suddenly it blows off to smithereens. And you realize pronto, truth was never so real. It has always been there lurking on and following you in your blind pursuits. Believe me that was the time when you become a perfect loser understanding in hindsight; the vanity of every bit of your maudlin knight act. Here I am again, guilt hangs so heavy that I feel getting asphyxiated as if some one is tightening the noose around me.

It might be my moment of truth. Or, it’s the time to pay the price and pull the plug off from that nauseating experience. Even, the Angels from heavens were crying for atonement. By now, I am completely numb. “You were never the One”, the reverberations are lacerating the wounds and I have this sneaking feeling that she will never know that she had already proclaimed capital punishment for me. Am I worthy of second chance or its all over for me? There is always a path to redemption, however tortuous it may be. To err is human and I am no exception. Would I ever be salvaged from my original sin? I only have my sinking hopes not the answers.

I rest my case here. Jury is out to decide and I am ready for guillotine…”